Every time I ignore my mom’s calls I feel like the most horrible person. But I just can’t deal with telling her that I don’t even have the energy to get out of bed, much less get a job and be a responsible daughter. 

And then I have horrible anxiety because what if something bad happened and that’s why she was calling me? Which makes me spiral and just feel more guilty and shitty. But not shitty enough to call her back until tomorrow. Because I am a selfish person.

I just feel very useless lately. I am so lucky that I am 20 years old and my parents support me and pay for my rent and food and gas and car insurance and medication and therapy and I can’t even repay them by going out and getting a minimum wage job so I can take some of that burden off of them.